Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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