It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he was CRYING into my vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
