I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
