I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
