I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
