what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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