i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
