$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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