when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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