is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
