fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dick has a subreddit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
