it was like eating out sand paper
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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