I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
