All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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