dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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