conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
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