Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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