awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
