You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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