can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
