dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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