Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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