Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
