Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
