I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
