The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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