4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
