come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
