EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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