I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i came on her dog
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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