wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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