we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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