everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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