What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
