my mouth tastes like poor choices
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
