wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
