she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
