Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
