Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
