There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
