i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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