It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
