Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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