dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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