They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
