I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize