Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
