He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize