I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize