I want to stick my p in your. b.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
