i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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