I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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