i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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