I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
