shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
