Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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