I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
