so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
