Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
