remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
