Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
