They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
