a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
