He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
