I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
