I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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