he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
