can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is wine microwaveable?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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