I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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