Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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