Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
