you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
