Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
