I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
