I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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