there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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