Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
