my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
