its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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