And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And then he peed in my hair
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