sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
