people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
