Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
