Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
