I am in a vortex of obligation.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
