I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
