I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize