I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
