my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
