I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
