Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
