Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
