I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize