I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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