and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
