Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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