Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
