capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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